Well, Now What? Figuring Out Who Sherah Is Today

Content note: This post mentions sexual assault, abuse, and unhealthy relationships without graphic details. It also contains humor, because that is how I move through life.

For most of my adult life, I have had approximately 47 things going on at the same time. I raised my children, primarily as a single mother. I went to college. I worked, studied, cared for other people, created products, learned about natural wellness, and built Triple Moon Massage and Natural Medicine into a thriving business.

I did much of this with ADHD, which means there may have actually been 147 things going on—I just remembered 47 of them at any particular moment.

My children are now mostly grown. College is finished for now, my business is doing well, and the children no longer need me to manage every detail of their lives. At least, that is what I am telling myself. After years of concentrating on everyone and everything else, I suddenly have room to ask:

Who am I now, and who do I want to be next?

This could get very serious very quickly, but that is not entirely who I am. Serious things have happened to me, but I am also funny, curious, a little all over the place, and always interested in learning or trying something new.

This journey is not going to be me sitting in a dark room staring sadly out a rainy window. I do not have time for that. I probably have an essential-oil blend to make, a trip to research, and at least three projects I started after walking into a room and forgetting why I went there.

Yes, some hard things happened

When I was a young teenager, I was raped by seven people.

I have never hidden from that or been unable to speak about it. It happened. It was horrible. It became part of my life, but it did not become the only thing my life was about.

I have also been told by family members and some of my friends’ parents that I would never amount to anything. Apparently, I took that as a challenge.

I raised two children, went to college, built a thriving massage and natural-wellness business, created handmade products, and started a travel business. So, respectfully, their prediction did not age well.

I experienced marriages that included betrayal, abuse, and infidelity. I also lived in a marriage where my thoughts, emotions, preferences, and confidence were gradually stripped away. And as a hard headed child and teenager, I have no idea how that happened. That relationship affected me in ways both large and surprisingly ordinary. I became unsure of something as basic as what food I liked because I had been told what I liked, what I thought, and how I felt. There is something strange about reaching a point in life where someone asks, “What do you want for dinner?” and it feels like a personality test you did not study for.

I have always been able to discuss what happened to me. I did not bury these experiences, pretend they never happened, or carry them around as secrets.

Bad things happened. I acknowledged them, learned what I could, and kept moving. That has always been part of my nature.

But moving forward is not always the same thing as stopping to ask how everything shaped you.

Now I finally have time to ask.

ADHD: challenge, gift, and occasional circus

I have had ADHD my entire life.

Yes, it has brought challenges. Organization can be an adventure. Time can behave more like a suggestion than a fixed measurement. One thought may lead to another thought, which leads to a new idea, which leads to researching something completely unrelated at 2:00 in the morning.

But I do not see my ADHD only as a problem. For me, it has also been a gift.

My brain is curious. It likes learning. It sees connections between subjects that may seem unrelated to other people. It allows me to become interested in massage, anatomy, herbal medicine, aromatherapy, handmade products, natural wellness, education, business, and travel—sometimes before breakfast.

ADHD helped me do things that might look overwhelming from the outside. I went to college while raising my children, caring for people, working, and building a business.

My brain may not always follow a straight road, but it has taken me to some remarkable places. I do not want to spend this journey trying to make myself fit into someone else’s idea of how a person should think, work, or live. I want to understand how my mind works and use it intentionally. Maybe I have many interests because I am unfocused.

Or maybe I am simply a person capable of building a life with many rooms.

I prefer the second explanation.

The years of being needed

For a large portion of my children’s lives, I was primarily a single mother.

That meant meals, bills, school, appointments, illnesses, schedules, decisions, emotional support, and whatever emergency appeared five minutes before we needed to leave the house. There was not much time to sit around wondering who Sherah was. Sherah was the person handling whatever needed to be handled.

Then I went to college, which added classes, assignments, deadlines, and a whole new collection of things to remember. I cared for other people personally and professionally. I built my businesses and continued learning. I do not regret those years. Raising my children, going to college, caring for people, and building Triple Moon are important parts of who I am.

But when you spend years focused on responsibilities and other people’s needs, your own preferences can quietly move to the bottom of the list.

My children are adults now. College is done for the moment. Triple Moon is thriving. For the first time in a long time, I am not only trying to make it through the next responsibility. I have space. Now I have to figure out what to do with it.

Hopefully, it does not involve starting 12 new projects at once—but I am making no promises.

I am not looking for the old me

This journey is not about returning to the person I was before everything happened.

That person is still part of me, but life changed her. Trauma changed her. Motherhood changed her. College changed her. Relationships, mistakes, accomplishments, work, age, and experience all changed her.

My first husband helped me rebuild confidence and remember abilities, interests, and qualities I had stopped trusting after my second husband stripped those from me. He reminded me that I am capable and that my thoughts and preferences matter.

That support was meaningful, since he was my first husband and even though we had a sad past he was still willing to help me. But I am not trying to recreate the woman I was many years ago. I want to meet the woman all those years produced.

What does she like now?

What does she want now?

Where does she want to go?

What does she believe?

What does she want the next chapter to look like?

And, perhaps most importantly, what does she actually want for dinner?

My work is part of the journey

Triple Moon Massage and Natural Medicine reflects many parts of me: compassion, curiosity, education, creativity, and the desire to understand how things work.

Massage, herbal medicine, aromatherapy, foot-soak experiences, natural wellness, and the products I make give my busy brain plenty to explore.

Creating something with my own hands is satisfying. I can begin with an idea, research it, select ingredients, experiment thoughtfully, and create something useful.

My interests do not need to fit into one tiny box to be valid. Neither do I.

This blog will give me a place to share educational information about the work I already do while also exploring what that work has taught me about myself.

Travel is part of it too

Travel by Sherah is another part of this new season.

Travel allows me to make decisions based on curiosity rather than obligation. I can ask where I want to go, what I want to see, what I want to eat, and what kind of experience feels right for me. Travel does not always have to mean flying across the world with three suitcases and a detailed itinerary. It can be a local day trip, a restaurant I have never tried, a weekend somewhere new, or an afternoon spent exploring on my own.

Solo confidence is not about proving I never need anyone. It is about knowing I can make plans, solve problems, change direction, and enjoy my own company.

And if I take a wrong turn or breakdown, perhaps I was simply meant to discover whatever is down that road. That is my story, and I am sticking to it.

So, what is this blog really about?

This is not a blog about finally revealing a hidden past. I have never been afraid to talk about what happened. It is not about pretending that everything was wonderful or that painful experiences were somehow gifts. Some things were simply awful. What I learned from surviving them belongs to me, even if the experiences themselves never should have happened.

This blog is about having the time and freedom to look at the person I am now.

My children are grown. College is complete for now. My business is thriving. I have spent decades raising, learning, building, working, surviving, and caring for others.

Now I get to be curious about myself.

I will write about ADHD, motherhood, relationships, massage, herbal medicine, aromatherapy, natural wellness, handmade products, travel, solo confidence, and whatever else catches my ADHD attention along the way.

Considering how my brain works, that last category could become quite large.

I do not know exactly who I want to be in the future yet.

That is not a problem.

That is the point of the journey.